Within Darkness will there be light?

 I am sorry for all the mistakes that I made. I am sorry for all the inconveniences that happen because of me.. I am sorry that my performance is not at your level. I am sorry for being a useless human. I am sorry that my ability is limit to this. I am sorry for being part of your bad memories. I am sorry for still being here instead of leaving.  Would it be better then... ?

 "How I wish you didn't pursue study under me..." That one sentences hurt me so bad that the overthinking mode will think about it whenever it is turned on. It is so freaking hard for me to believe in myself continuously.  As it was uttered by someone that I RESPECT so much, it bring me down to the lowest level.  And I'm getting drown. Once, Twice, whenever I recalled those sentences. I thought of her as role model, someone I want to look up to, but I think I couldn't be the same with them. Never did I know there were levels that were set up.  So I was again broken, when I was informed and I think to myself, "Owhh... I was getting judged, if my level is same with them, then only will I be able to squeezed myself into their space.  Shit it hurts.